PAUL SMITH AGAIN [135] Jack woke in the morning. "Time for the morning news." he thought, "Lets find what's happening in the world. Even a television in here, and a proper newspaper instead of a cheap rag, and no rules against me reading it.". He switched on. The local news was on. It was the usual assortment:- "... teargas when expelling vagrants from railway premises in Droitwich. Corporation cleaners accompanying the police were also affected. Two skipfuls of cartons and old mattresses were removed ... ... urgent sewer repair in Great Malvern. Traffic diversions ... £1200 worth of jewellery were stolen from ... Now to Llanfairfechan, the scene of the latest unexplained group disappearance of scuba divers. Over to a member of the search party ... not ordinary diving accidents. The casualties are never found, and usually the whole diving party disappears. It's too cold round British coasts for dangerous sharks, and no other sea creatures would have caused this sort of incident ... The Admiralty said that they know of no tests of equipment likely to have caused these disappearances ... The Prime Minister said today in Parliament in a debate on the future of ...". "Troubles at home, troubles about the country, so many troubles." Jack thought, "Sometimes I wonder if anybody has a peaceful life for long. I hope they find those scuba divers. I know a boy at school that goes scuba diving. When's Prowl coming back?". "Brrrm. `Et tu, 'Brute''." Prowl thought at school, "Now it's Latin that I get asked to teach, while Mr.Malham's off with flu. They rely too much on my ability to read the book once and know it.". The text that he was told to get the pupils to translate into Latin, was the start of Macbeth, a play that he was beginning to think there was no getting away from. The pupils handed in their translations, and he commented on them as he went through them. "This sentence: `Weary se'ennights [= weeks] nine times nine, shall he wither peak and pine.' Johnson: you wrote `fatigatus quingenti sexaginta septem noctes'. Yes, 7x9x9=567, but this isn't the maths class. Shakespeare was expressing weary duration and not an exact number. Look at all the long syllables in the English original, to drag the words out. Harrison: you put your answer in hexameters (although those two elisions near the line end sound wrong): `fessusque viginti / menses marcebit cum pinis et cum apice eius.', meaning `with his summit and with his pine trees'!! Really! `peak' and `pine' are , see the notes in the back of the book, `be ill' and `be unhappy', `fessusque viginti / menses marcebit tabescet et aegrotabit.'. Jackson and Budleigh, bring me that pad that you've been doodling on, and lets all share whatever you've been sniggering about, if it's funny enough to stop listening for it.". "Crumbs." one of the boys thought, "I still don't quite believe I'm seeing him. Some years ago I got too old for Transformers, both the toys and the comic - and now to be taught in class by a real one! I suppose I'll get used to it, that great steel thing with car wheels on its shoulders and ankles.". "The pad! Go back and fetch that one, not another!" said Prowl to Jackson and Budleigh as they came to the front. "How did he spot that!?" Budleigh thought, "Robot-rule belongs in science fiction. Eyes that can zoom like some cameras, loose nerve endings that he can link to remote cameras. In classes in the computer room I can't even go at a bag of sweets behind my terminal while he's rabbiting on.". The two had to obey. Prowl looked at the piece of paper, which read: "Lucky Boy. 330. £4.50p.". "Well?" he asked. "It's-" said Jackson in fits and starts, "Mum said I must call there, get three pieces of wood each 30 inches long, but not for more than £4.50p.". "What's funny about a shopping list?" asked Prowl. "Well - er - the shopkeeper there once told us this funny story." said Budleigh, desperately hoping that he would be believed. "Lets all share it." said Prowl. "Er - um - .". "Come on. It's not like sharing sweets. If you share that presumably very amusing story with all of us, you've still got all of it for yourself afterwards. Come on. Spit it out. We'd all like to hear it." Prowl replied. "I - can't remember - it takes a long time to tell -" said Budleigh, scavenging in the bottom of his braincase for material for it. "Oh. Here it is back for you then." said Prowl, "Rrrm! Back to work, you two. Now, all of you write out a list of all the uses of the Latin subjunctive. Mr.Malham should be back in some time next week.". [136] "P-h-e-w!" Jackson thought as Prowl transformed to car form and drove away at the end of the school day, "I don't know how, but I actually managed to fool that Cybertronian tin can about that piece of paper!". He walked away. "Rogerdee." Prowl radioed in a radio code that he had chosen, "I'll send one of Bo-Peep's dogs to track it. Not this one, it'll know him. Sheep are cleverer than you think. I think I know which one it'll be." Outside the `Red Lion' at a street corner nearby, Jackson met another boy and gave him the pad, saying "Here they are.". The other boy put the pad in a package which he had on him, saying in a vaguely threatening voice: "Make sure there are plenty. I'm not in this for the sake of my health - even if you are.". "Skwaak! It's as you thought it might be! Mary's found her lamb." Laserbeak radioed to Prowl. Laserbeak was perching on a shallowly sloping roof across the road, with only his head showing over the gutter, watching the two. As Laserbeak watched, two men met across the road and talked quickly and quietly, then separated. Laserbeak quickly chose the codenames `Larry Lamb' and `Lamb Chop' for them, and felt thankful that, unlike humans, he could play back images from his brain. Larry Lamb went away. Lamb Chop crossed the road to meet Mary's Lamb, who slowed apprehensively as he approached. To listen, Laserbeak unfolded a parabolic microphone that Wheeljack had made for him. "Oh. You've got it? Better luck than last time?" Lamb Chop asked. "Yes - er - here it is. All present." said Mary's Lamb, handing over the package. "Well? Any mishaps like last time?" Lamb Chop asked. "No. Here it all is.". "You're hiding something. Out with it, or ...". "Well -er- Teacher saw one, but I managed to make him think it was a shopping list." admitted Mary's Lamb, who had learned the painful way when not to act superior or give lip or talk evasively. "Idiot! Or he pretended to be fooled! Who was he?". "Prowl - a - a - Transformer. I'm not silly, he's real like in the stories.". "OK! I know about Wer-nick's robots! And you've not been phoning as you were told to.". "Not fault Miss Longhaul, I mean Langhaugh, married and left and along came that tin can who wasn't in The Arrangement! That Prowl wouldn't let me out to phone, he just told me to tell him the message and the number to ring.". "That's problem.". "Let me alone. I'll have my father on you, on Mein Fuhrer Wernicke making real Transformers so I've got to read kid's stuff Transformer stuff to keep track of his real ones by! I gave up that sort of stuff long ago!". "Talking like that about `kid's stuff' is a sign of half maturity, not full maturity. You're still a kid! Forget your father, or he'll find what you've been doing outside. Hang on! `I', `teacher' - you were sacked from that school! You mean you got another boy to run about for you, and got careless! I told you to do it all yourself, not setting up your own little network, you little twerp.". "Now I've got to look out for nine driverless talking vehicles watching as well as people watching." Mary's Lamb complained, "Three trucks, three cars, dustcart, ambulance, bird:- Optimus Prime, their leader, big red artic cab with three axles and shiny show-off upright exhaust pipes. Huffer, orange artic cab with two axles. Hoist, green towtruck with its towing gear all orange. Wheeljack, white Lancia and its roof's like what the maths teacher says is a parabola. Jazz, white Porsche with purple lines on. Prowl, white over black two-tone car with a roof light like a cop car. Shockwave, purple mobile refuse destructor, not a ray gun like in the stories. Ratchet, wedge-fronted ambulance. Laserbeak, little jetplane that looks like a hawk, I mean a hawk bird, not that sort of jet fighter. Agh! Real Transformers! What next!? When do I get paid like we agreed?". "Unh-unh." Lamb Chop replied, "First I check the package, to make sure everything's in there that should be in there. Then you find out certain things for me. Then we discuss plans. Then I take out of it for what you lost last time.". "But you said - I've got things to pay for - you said you'd -". "What I say! Stow yer lip! The boss can't wait for ever! -- That flashy red car with the funny windows! It's coming at us! He's got tired of waiting for us already! caused this delay, losing that other lot. I'll $#@ you afterwards - when I say, jump! [137] He better not have a gun - get behind this lamp post - JUMP NOW!". They did so. The red car, which was a Countach, braked hard with a screech of abused brake shoes, but still hit the lamp post. Its short shallow bonnet folded downwards, and its body came apart. Something whipped round the lamp post each side and caught them. Then they saw that it had not wrecked itself but partly transformed like a Transformer. Parts of its chassis and bodywork had become its arms, whose steel hands had caught them by an ankle each. Then one hand caught both ankles, and Lamb Chop squirmed in vain as the other hand protruded from its thumb and index finger curved steel claws which it used as forceps to extract the package from his pocket. The steel arm was much stronger than both of his own. "Lemme go." Mary's Lamb wailed, recognizing the car all too well, "I didn't want into all this. It's @#$%^ Sideswipe! That $#@'s made tin heavy like in the stories!". "Oh I see." said Lamb Chop, "All your fine swaggering airs gone already. You little twerp! Like the fags before, you let them be passed in class, and the teacher saw it. Next time do what I told you to do, collect and deliver it yourself!". "Agh, get in me, you miserable two." said Sideswipe, stuffing them into himself as he transformed back to ordinary car form, "It is as I thought. To alter the poem: `Big thugs push little thugs, to dirty work compel them; little thugs push lesser thugs, and so ad infinitum.'. Lucky there are still some honest people about. Plenty in that package to keep the magistrate busy. Paul Smith! You again! You promised Prowl and your parents that you'd keep out of trouble. Missing school to set up another little network of connections and coercion. Plenty for us to play back from our brains into the police lineprinter.". He set off. Sideswipe did not obey Lamb Chop's attempts to drive him. "In `Collect and deliver it yourself', what does `yourself' mean?" Lamb Chop asked. "I - er - not good at grammar - it means - er -" said Mary's Lamb, now known to be Paul Smith. "What - does - it - mean?" Lamb Chop repeated in a harder voice. "Me. Myself. Not others." said Paul Smith. "Good. Then it doesn't mean what you've been doing?". "Sorry - sorry - please - I'll do anything you say - I'll pay you back for it -". "How!? All you've done is to get us both further in the $@#." said Lamb Chop, and realized that teaching Paul Smith an adequate lesson for disobeying orders and general incompetence would get so much blood on Sideswipe's seats that he himself might suffer serious consequences from Sideswipe. Big robots who own (or are) expensive flashy cars were an unknown quantity to him. [138] Sideswipe radioed what had happened. At the police station he met Paul Smith's father Albert, who was not pleased to be fetched from his work in a police car to find that his son had been acting the gang boss among other children again and being used as a criminals' runner again; and Sideswipe had found a bag of white powder in the package. A police dog could not make out where Sideswipe's voice was coming from. Sideswipe said what had happened. "Aaaoowaah. I want out of all this. told me to fetch it, or else he'd ..." Paul Smith wailed, now handcuffed to a policeman. "In future do all your own runnings-about-after and leave other children alone, and keep away from that school." said the policeman. "You said that before, but now you're at it again. If it drugs this time ..." said Albert Smith. "There were drugs in that package. That is a serious offence." said a policeman to Lamb Chop in a cell, "Also, it is suspected that some of your clothes were obtained by theft. They are needed as evidence. Take them off. Here's some pyjamas instead.". Lamb Chop knew that this was rubbish, for he had bought them himself at proper shops. "What's he heehawing about?" he thought, "Help! He's found that note in the package, and one of them's going to be dressed and made up as me to catch the man I'm due to contact! And I'll be blamed for `grassing'. Not my fault I've got too much to remember, so I must write some down.". "They're stolen," he said, "and I'm only a suspect, not convicted, I've the right to wear my own clothes.". "Suspected stolen. What I said." the policeman replied. "And I've the right to make a phone call.". "In the morning.". "When it'll be too late." Lamb Chop thought. "Real `omnium gatherum' that boy Paul Smith was being used to deliver." said another policeman looking at the contents of the package, "Betting slips; three sorts of drug; notes about contacts, rather cryptic, but I can decode much of it, crooks' minds run in much the same track.". [139] "I'm wet all over, Wheeljack." said Jack Brown at Wernicke's that evening to Wheeljack who was handing in a tray of cheese on toast and chocolate cake and jam sandwiches to him. "Sweating." said Wheeljack, "It means that your body doesn't want a temperature any more and it's trying to cool down. Your flu'll soon be gone. Don't stand about in draughts yet.". "Why's Sideswipe come back with a policeman in him? Who's done what?". "He caught that boy Paul Smith, and a man that he was in trouble with.". "For once I can ask things without people saying `don't mither' or `No, I'm busy' or `Mind your own business'. Paul Smith's a nasty boy. He keeps telling other boys to fetch and deliver things and do things or else. Prowl caught him passing 500 fags in class that time. Paul starts trouble. He's nasty. He keeps wanting other boys to do his homework for him. I thought he'd end up doing something like that. He's bossy.". "Now it's a drug gang he was being a runner for. Likely this time he's for a young offender's institution, where he'll likely put on the swagger and get some respect knocked into him by other cases a lot harder than himself. Nothing particular in his upbringing to make him go like that. Sad. Now get to your cheese on toast before it goes cold while we're talking." said Wheeljack. "Now, if `Snorey' on that piece of paper's what I think it is, we may clean up more of that lot" said a policeman to Sideswipe in Wernicke's garage, "Oh, pussy's after his usual warm spot? Last three times I've taken prisoners to the prison, afterwards I had to wipe the warders' favourite cafe across the road's cat's muddy footprints off the car's bonnet.". "Not me!" Sideswipe thought as Tabbins jumped onto his short low bonnet, "My engine's at the back. I at least will remain `territory untrodden by cat', once he's looked for what he's after and not found it.". "Don't speak too soon." Optimus thought watching. Tabbins, finding no warm place on Sideswipe's bonnet, explored further, wandering up his windscreen and over his roof to the bulky rear which contained the big powerful engine - and there found the warm spot, and curled up there. That was to be Tabbins's usual route on Sideswipe, three times as many muddy footprints as on Prowl or Jazz, since jumping up Sideswipe's rear end was too high and obstructed by the rear aerofoil. "He who laughs, laughs longest." Optimus thought watching. [140] Jack went into Wernicke's garage. Wheeljack, who had just finished some work, lay on his back on the floor, pulled his arms and legs in, and changed into his car shape. His head folded away in the car's rear end. He called Jack to sit in him in the warm, and played chess with Jack by showing a chessboard on his dashboard computer screen. Wheeljack had to explain what stalemate was. Tabbins passed, carrying yet another mouse. Jack got out of him and went to bed after his first complete day of freedom. As he was going to sleep, he was woken by a bout of noise like `eewee wip' outside somewhere. He pulled at an intercom microphone on the wall above his bed, and asked whoever was on the other end what the noise was. "Wheeljack here. It's only an owl. Go to sleep." said a voice over the speaker by the microphone. "I thought owls hooted." said Jack, already more confident about querying answers. Lucky he did, this time. "Owls usually do hoot." said Wheeljack, "They go `eewee wip' like that when ...". "[141] ... !" he exclaimed. The sudden change of tone in the middle of a sentence sent Jack back to old bad memories of sudden interrogations, and he started frightenedly denying having touched things. Wheeljack, alerted, noticed that sensors on the roof had detected someone climbing on the roof, and send Laserbeak to investigate. Laserbeak started his small jet motors and flew out of a slot in a wall under the eaves. "I didn't say you did." Wheeljack then said to Jack, "Don't be so jumpy. Something outside's disturbed it. If any nasty night ghosties get into your dreams, imagine me or Prowl there, for you to get into and drive away and leave them.". A man wearing a big pack was climbing the ridge where two sides of the roof of Wernicke's building joined. He wore dark overalls, rubber-soled boots with steel toecaps, crash helmet, and thick cloth mask with a gag under to stifle any involuntary angry or alarmed noises. Much search had yielded nothing, and now flashing assumed to be of lead proved to be plastic with no scrap value, and all aerials were under roofs. Trying to listen very carefully for any sounds indicating unwelcome activity, he was not pleased with distractions like disturbed roosting birds' alarm cries, or a lovesick she-cat calling loudly and continuously on a flat roof nearby risking provoking retaliation by woken people who would then see him. If the silly animal had carried on much longer, it would have found, without a bang to wake and alert anybody, what something in his pack was for. So would have any guarding human or dog that got nosy. He took what looked like a power tool out of his pack and slung it across his chest. He heard small jet motors and saw Laserbeak. [142] He had not heard of him before, but his surprise did not last long, for the feeling of his gag suppressing the inevitable alarmed oath got him back to action. He took the `power tool' and lay on his back on the roof join and readied it and fired. Inside it powerful electromagnet coils accelerated four-inch nails to bullet speed. Several times before in his or others' hands `Emperor Ming' (the Electro Magnetic Powered Modified Industrial Nail Gun) [see 61-65] had silently and efficiently chopped up radio controlled model aircraft, whether they were drone flying cameras or carrying valuables or merely ordinary models when seeing off unwelcome model aircraft enthusiasts who blundered into something; and his boss did not accept being caught as an excuse. He fired. But Laserbeak remembered many actions under fire from his copied fictional past. He twisted about to make aiming difficult, and kept edgeways on and got below the eaves of the building, after getting a nail hole in his right wing. The man could not move fast enough to follow aim properly, else he may have slipped off the roof. But the man moved a switch on the side of his gun's battery box to `auto', and aimed at Laserbeak as he rose above the eaves. The lethal, almost completely silently fired, stream of flying 4-inch nails rapidly knocked out two control surfaces and his right jetmotor and drilled most of his head to scrap. But Laserbeak, flying clumsily now, still came on. The gunman was too busy to notice clickings and air hissings below him, and by the time he realized that there is no law compelling a robot's brain, or all its eyes, to be in its head, Laserbeak was nearly on him, with taloned legs extended. There was a heavy compressed air bang below him, [143] and a large lead weight trailing a line knocked him off balance and started him sliding. He fell off the roof, now fearing his own end falling two storeys loaded heavily; and his boss did not accept `unexpected obstacles' as an excuse for failing or being caught. But he was caught by Wheeljack, who when Laserbeak radioed to him had driven out and transformed as quick as he could. "What now!? Wernicke! If you're listening over this thing's link, you better let me go, or ..." said the gunman. "Save it." Wheeljack replied, putting his compressed air powered line-gun (intended for rescue work) down, "Lets get that helmet and mask off. Then we'll see.". Wheeljack handcuffed him and carried him into Wernicke's garage. "Oh." said Wheeljack looking at the fallen nailgun, "`Emperor Ming' strikes again. One day they'll find who's making them.". "Please." the man pleaded, "I owe for the nailgun, and for the package that little brat Paul Smith lost, and for other things. said I must bring back useful information or valuable items or else.". "Well, Laserbeak," said Wheeljack examining the damage to him, "after that lets get you mended. Good thing you were in. I hope that expert climbers who are accurate shots with those silent nailguns don't become routine.". "If Laserbeak had his own guns like in the stories, he might not have got so much hurt, but the law would object." Optimus replied. "Sideswipe, what does Wheeljack's gun do?" asked Jack Brown who had got up to find what was going on. "You should be in bed, so late." Sideswipe replied, and explained about firing lines in rescue work at sea etc. "That man that Wheeljack brought in: I know him!" said Jack, "He's a man that Paul Smith kept talking to outside school. Teacher asked him who he was and what he wanted, but he just said 'Mind your own business.' and `I'm his uncle.'.". "Hang on a moment." said Sideswipe, and got Wheeljack to send him a picture of the man television fashion via their radio channel, "He's also Larry Lamb!". "Is that really his name?" Jack asked. "No. Just a codename that Laserbeak invented. We don't know their proper names. He met someone codenamed `Lamb Chop', who then met Paul Smith to receive a package with drugs in. I caught Lamb Chop and Paul Smith. [see 137]". [144] At 12.40am P.C.Talbot was still waiting in plain clothes outside the White Horse pub. He wondered if the wording on the piece of paper meant anything or nothing. A surprising amount of people still passed, going home from late nights out; he had one chance, and grabbing the wrong people would probably alert the people that he was after. But at last two men approached him. "Oh hallo, you've brought a car?" one of them said, "Sorry to seem silly, but before we get involved in matters, my small son can't remember something he needs for a school quiz: in `Snow White', the dwarf that kept dozing off, what was he called?". "Er - a long time since I read or heard that story -" said Talbot, all too aware that this was the only chance, "I think he was called Snorey.". "Thankyou, I'll tell him. That's all. Now we can get on with the proper matter." said the man. "P-h-e-w! So it a recognition codeword!" Talbot thought thankfully, and said "The car's in the first entry on the left this way. White Porsche. Fast and not too flashy.". The three got in it and drove off. "The owner's away, he won't miss it for a week." said Talbot, and handed the package over. "Oh yes." said one of the two, examining it, "Looks OK. That's (1) seen to. Now (2): two defaulters and an unwelcome competitor to teach lessons to; (3) take guns to an address;", and more of the same sort, "You stay with us till it's all through. No foul-ups. No `things taking longer'.". "Left here." said one of the two when they reached a junction. "No! Left!" he ordered as the car went straight on, "You overshot! Back up and turn left!". The car carried straight on. One of the two grabbed the ignition key, but the car carried on. One of the two men grappled with Talbot while the other, who was in the back, produced a sawn off shotgun and demanded "What's up? We from The Smoke [= London] don't like small town small fry not obeying us. Take this car where tell you to go.". A lorry pulled out in front. By now nobody was driving the car, which avoided the lorry by itself. "That screen! It's got an onboard computer! I bet it's got an autopilot like a plane! That's why it's going by itself!". "'`Uproot'!" suddenly exclaimed Talbot, who was in the driver's position. (It was a play on the two meanings of `pull up'.) [145] The car braked suddenly. Talbot's safety belt held him; but the two men's safety belts stayed loose and they rolled forwards, and their heads hit things, dazing them. The sawn-off shotgun flew forwards, and Talbot caught it and aimed it at the two men, ordering them "Hands on your heads, and this car'll take you two all by itself to the police station." "Now my belt didn't work but his did! What sort of car this?" said one of the two to the other, "You behind! I took you on this `job' to work off some of what you owe me, not for you to lose a gun again and to think that a cop plant was my man when you should have known him after that matter before.". "We better tell them who we are, or they'll merely list us by some stupid codenames and never bail us." said the other. "I'm sorry to ask you questions this time of night," said P.C.Fincham meanwhile to Jack Brown in the front of a police van outside Wernicke's, "but the man that Sideswipe codenamed `Larry Lamb': he the man who kept meeting Paul Smith outside school?". "Yes. I saw him several times." said Jack Brown, who saw no need for the apology, for he was wearisomely used to being woken and questioned in the night when one of his parents suddenly suspected that he had used or handled something, until Prowl had intervened and got him away from their house forever. "Did any other men call for Paul Smith? If so, are any of them in these photographs?". "Hang on while I think and remember.". "Well! Good thing I brought plenty of statement forms." said Fincham some time later, "A lot of this is largely relevant to the juvenile courts and the council truant officer, or to the teacher at first. At least that machine arcade in Worcester's gone. (There's a car showroom there now.) As you say, these little circles of trouble hatching need putting a stop to.". Jack yawned and got out and was about to go into Wernicke's to bed when a radio message came in that another policeman was arriving in a civilian [here = not police] white Porsche car with two suspects and a captured firearm. As the two men, now handcuffed, were being transferred into the police van, Jack gave a scared cry and hid behind Fincham. "What've you gone behind me for, Jack?" Fincham asked. "My father!" said Jack, "He's a nasty man. Prowl said I'd never see him again. I don't want to see him again.". "No. It's just two suspects brought in." said Fincham. "It is him! I know the mole on his left cheek." said Jack. "The boy seems to know you, yellow shirt." said Talbot to one of the two suspects. "No! I've never seen the miserable scavenging whining ungrateful brat in my life!" said the suspect. "How do you know he is miserable and scavenges and whines and is ungrateful, then?" said Talbot, "I put it to you that you are Mr.Keith Brown and not who you said you are. Giving a false identity to the police is a serious offence. Get in the van.". "I'll get you for snitching on me to the fuzz, you little $#@, if I catch you without your oversized tin friends ever." said Keith. "Leave him. He's no longer yours. You're no longer his legal guardian. Get in." Talbot ordered. "Yekkh. Being ridden in by fleshling crooks on a `job'. Never happened in Oregon or Cybertron." thought Jazz, who was the Porsche. [146] The police van picked up `Larry Lamb' and `Lamb Chop' from the local police station and took them with the other two suspects to Birmingham central police station. Its driver expressed a forceful opinion of what the four had been doing: "Hahh! End of another fine plan to get money any other way than working for it! Have you heard of the Labour Exchange, to get yourselves legal jobs!? Like the rhyme says, `That was the end of 1-2-3, the rat and the mouse and the little froggy.': One who was getting a boy into more trouble when we were trying to keep him out of trouble; one who fancied himself as a commando (pity this isn't the place for it: next time go in the army and do it legally); one standard British rough with a standard British sawn-off; and as a bonus to make four, their boss from big-time from London! A pity in the rhyme for the rat and the mouse that the farmer kept cats; a pity for you that some people watch over their property!". "And it all boils down to that Wer-nick and his robots!" said Larry Lamb angrily, "We can't get near his place for Transformers! Else I'd soon've `nicked' his `wer'. First, [see 25-28] three men went there to get a few things, having counted to four (lorry, ambulance, car, bird) leaving; but that performing Porsche and his rabid wolf grab them. Then [see 29-32] three characters come from the USA to muscle in, we don't want Yank gangs here, and they ran into three of his robots and that was the end of that. Then [see 51] they find stuff that someone had got on a `job' and stashed away before he was nabbed, and they took it to the fuzz and it was a dead loss after waiting 23 years. Then [see 61-66] the boss of the three from the USA, and the man that had stashed the valuables away, tried to `pay him a visit' with an `Emperor Ming' each, they'd counted to 7 OK (2 lorries, 2 cars, ambulance, towtruck, bird), but along comes an 8th and nabs them. No luck either at Smith & Malton's works, one of his funny computers watches everything and we can't get near the place. Four of us tried to `do' their wages van once, but got jumped by a bunch of their workmen in full riotsquad gear like foreign cops who so thoroughly `did them over' that ... forget both of those places.". "Very thankful to you and Laserbeak for catching the character with the nailgun, and to your Sideswipe and Jazz for catching those others." said PC.Talbot in Wernicke's to the twenty foot tall steel form of Wheeljack who had just given his statement, "I still don't quite believe I'm really having this conversation! You alive and intelligent like humans, but entirely electromechanical. Some time you lot's legal status'll have to be decided. Much of this'll be a Birmingham Crown Court job. The judges there aren't the same as the Droitwich magistrates, who've casually accepted you robots as witnesses the same as humans. accept you, but the defence lawyers may raise queries. Drugs, guns, gangs in big money. The weeks will bring what they will.". "Keith!" Elizabeth Brown shrieked accusingly in a police station, "What have you been up to!?, cop waking me in the middle of the night to tell me you've been arrested.". "Not my fault." Keith replied, "That brat Jack saw me and snitched to the cops who I was. A cop plant pretending to be our contact, and one of Wernicke's funny cars pretending to be our car for our `job'.". "No guilt on Jack." said a policeman, "We'd still've held you and charged you, under whatever name. Once a suspect said he was Donald Duck, like some do, and he went right through court to prison under that name, since he gave no other name.". "I didn't know you were in funny-business! I thought you worked at ..." Elizabeth started. "I do!, but I owed money, so I had to get more. `I reserve my right to remain silent', as lawyers say." said Keith. "Now what happens!?" said Elizabeth, "Our name dragged through the courts by the welfare over Jack; funny characters at the door about the funny-business you've been in. You've got yourself into a real right tangle, haven't you!?". "Shut yer lip!" I remain silent! None of this is your business! I've had enough of this ferreted out already by Jack and that Prowl putting their heads together to find our private matters that time." Keith snapped. "First he tried to make account for every penny and crumb, till I got a job and an evening interest to get some money of my own and something to do away from the house." Elizabeth said to the policeman. "Which she planned to spend on luxuries when I've got commitments. It should've gone in the kitty." Keith replied. "Where `kitty' means `his pocket'. My money is mine. `If I can't keep it, I'm going back to my mother's.' I said. That shifted him, but I've still got to housekeep out of it.". "Why should I part with money when you've got money? I've got commitments. None of your business what commitments. I could've cleared off no end with what you've spent on keeping that Elliott in scenery and stage props and tea.". "Then along came Jack and made more inroads into the readies.". "And into my sleep, and I wasn't having that. `Waah waah boohoo' three or four times a night, donkeys' years before I could rely on him being clean and quiet through the night.". "Time was once when once that brat could read and write and add up, he'd've had to go round the factories to find a job. Now I bet he'll stay at school for sixth form, then university, and %$# knows when he'll be earning; or he'll be over the hills and far away and we'll never see a penny piece off him.". "Your `commitments' my business!" said the policeman, "I want everything you know about this, all of it. Jack can wait, he's not yours now.". "He even counted the sliced bread slices, and read the meters every day." said Elizabeth. "Accuse accuse accuse! Shut up the pair of you! And 'll blame me messing this up." said Keith. This argument continued like this with variations for most of the night. "That lot have confessed to quite a lot of offences dating a while back." said a policeman to James Wernicke a day or so later, "`Nailgun Nigel' [= Larry Lamb] still won't say where he got his nailgun from. I hope they don't keep turning up. Powerful, accurate, reload from a hardware store, recharge from the electricity mains.". "I know." said James, "I was looking round the wrong end of two of them that time [see 61-66], luckily through a strong enough riotshield, until Prowl who'd been brought to life that day caught them.". "Those two that Jazz and one of us caught have come clean on a lot of matters. I think that Paul Smith was glad to get out of a lot of entanglements. But he'd better be watched, that's for the Juvenile Court to decide.". "And once again, after another distraction, I better go back to work! I can sympathize with Smith & Malton's getting rough with birdwatchers and botanists messing round their back with high-powered observing equipment, after one lot proved to be thieves surveilling their wages van's movements. That petty bully Paul Smith hasn't got much bottle in a corner, only `waioowh mummy mummy'. How long before he's off again?, or has the lesson finally sunk in?". "Much of this is `sub judice' [= can't be revealed until the court case has finished]. I better go back to work also. Thanks for the help. Bye.".